Let's Ride w/ Paul Estrada

Time Management Expert: Design a Life that Works for You

• Paul Estrada • Season 1 • Episode 16

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What if the key to a more fulfilling life isn't doing more, but doing differently?

Alex Payeta's journey begins like many ambitious professionals – climbing the corporate ladder, working relentless hours, and defining success through financial achievement. But something was missing. That realization led her to make a bold decision, walking away from a six-figure consulting career to pursue a more meaningful path. Through world travels, spiritual exploration in jungle retreats, and deeper connection with what truly matters, Alex discovered a different definition of wealth that transcends the material focus of her Orange County upbringing.

In this conversation, Alex shares practical wisdom for anyone feeling overwhelmed by life's demands. She breaks down how to create morning routines that actually work (hint: they don't need to involve cold plunges or two-hour meditation sessions), explaining why starting small with what matters most to you is the secret to sustainable habits. Her approach acknowledges the messy reality of life – early-waking children, unexpected interruptions, and the challenge of balancing work with family responsibilities.

Perhaps most refreshing is Alex's perspective on time management. She draws an important distinction between being efficient and being rushed, noting that rushing is often just a habit that doesn't serve us. Her weekly calendar audit practice offers a concrete way to align your time with your priorities, while her insights on clearly defining family roles prevents the resentment that builds when responsibilities remain ambiguous. As she puts it, "When you both think you're responsible for something, neither one of you is."

Whether you're struggling with morning chaos, feeling overwhelmed by your schedule, or questioning if your definition of success is truly your own, this episode provides both the perspective shift and practical tools to create meaningful change. Learn how running your life "like a business" – complete with structure, boundaries and intentional planning – can paradoxically create more freedom and joy than the reactive approach many of us default to. Ready to redefine what success looks like on your terms? This conversation is your invitation to start.

Paul:

Why do you think I'm always in a rush, in a hurry?

Adrian:

Because you have to get a lot of stuff done. But we always get it done because you're like, oh, I already know what's going to happen.

Paul:

I do try to do a lot of stuff, do you think? Does it make you stressed out sometimes if I'm always just like go, go, go, go go, or did you get used to it?

Adrian:

I don't know. I think I'm used to it.

Paul:

Yeah.

Adrian:

Yeah.

Paul:

But sometimes do you want to move slower than than what I want to move.

Adrian:

Yes.

Paul:

So maybe I need to, uh, maybe I need to remind myself to slow down a little bit, you think.

Adrian:

Yeah, your schedule is just like. It's pretty much like too busy, like I can't really keep up with it.

Paul:

Yeah, so should I should up with it. Maybe I need to learn how to slow down a little bit.

Adrian:

You can maybe do that sometimes, but not all the time.

Paul:

Sometimes I just need to learn how to chill. I don't know how to chill very well, just sit on the couch, watch a movie or something. I think I'm the best in the whole entire family at doing that chilling yeah so then, maybe I need to learn because, like, even though I'm your dad, I can still learn stuff from you I know and so maybe I need to learn how to how to chill like and relax a little bit more. What do you think?

Adrian:

you just have to learn how to do slow stuff and calm down, because you're basically a fast rushing person, so I could teach you everything else.

Paul:

Awesome, I want to sign up for your class.

Adrian:

Okay.

Paul:

Wait, can I ask you something? Is that going to cost me money or is that free? It's free. Oh, thank you, hi, let's Ride. Listeners. It's your friend, paul Estrada. If you've gotten any value out of any of the episodes, I'm here to ask you to pause this episode and take a moment to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening to this podcast. If you're a real go-getter, please take a moment to leave a review of the podcast. I'd be indebted to you forever. Thank you for supporting and listening to the show and for going on this journey with us. Pause, subscribe and let's ride.

Paul:

Our guest today built a life that defies the script. Starting in the high-pressure world of corporate consulting, she walked away from a six-figure career in pursuit of something more meaningful. After earning a master's degree in therapy and realizing traditional approaches weren't creating the changes people needed, she pivoted again, this time on her own terms. What followed was a journey through remote jungles, spiritual awakenings and, eventually, entrepreneurship rooted in purpose. She's not preaching perfection. She's living proof that structure and flexibility can coexist. And if you've ever felt like success was out of reach because life felt too overwhelming, this conversation will prove otherwise. I'm excited for our guest today, alex Payeta.

Speaker 3:

So let's ride, let's ride on through the rain.

Paul:

Come on and take me anywhere that you want to be, so let's ride Awesome. I think you know you see a lot of that online of just you want to get into this routine, you want to be healthy, you want to eat healthy, you want to do all that, and on paper it sounds amazing. In practice it's super difficult. So if you could talk through just the struggle of, I'm sure that today, you know, while you're better off than most as far as that goes, I'm sure you still have your days where maybe it is tough, or maybe you don't. I don't know How's that experience for you.

Alex:

Oh, of course there's definitely, especially with kids. You know that you don't know when they're going to wake up in the middle of the night or what's going to happen. I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy so I don't know how long I'm going to be sleeping.

Alex:

There's a lot of variables that make it challenging, but for me I've kind of come up with a really good system. I have different variations of my routine that I'll do based on what happens. So this morning's a good example. My husband's out of town. My daughter woke up super early. She really wanted to cuddle.

Paul:

What time are we talking about? Just for perspective.

Alex:

Five. So for her it was really early.

Paul:

Well, I think that's the reality of the situation, where you have this idea, you have this plan, I'm going to go to bed early, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to get my me time, and then life happens and that plan goes out the window, and I know that certainly has happened for me and when it did. Sometimes there's this balance of man. These kids are only going to be small for so long and I really want to enjoy this, but at the same time, dude, I'm trying to. I was just trying to get this thing done today. Now I can't Obviously not wanting to any sort of resentment or anything, and I don't think that that's the right word per se but it's like maybe, a frustration that I had set aside this time and now it's not happening and I'm kind of frustrated about that.

Alex:

It's which is so common. And then what I also see a lot is your routine will fall off for whatever reason. You'll get frustrated. The kids kind of throw it off. They wake up early, and then I'll work with the women that are like, see, this doesn't work for me, I can't do it, and then they just totally throw it away. It's like I'm just going to go back to how things were. It's kind of this all or nothing approach, and so I think that's really important to avoid, especially when you have a lot of unpredictable variables in your life, like little kids, because you have to be able to be flexible.

Alex:

And the last thing I'll say on the kids thing our kids are not wonderful sleepers. They never have been. They don't just magically wake up at seven every day, but they for lack of a better term we've trained them that if they wake up early then they just join us in whatever they're doing. So if we're working out in the garage, they know they're just working out in the garage. We don't let them do screens or anything exciting that makes them want to wake up early more, and then they join us. And my son went through probably a period of six months where he was out there with us every morning and still to this day before bed he runs around. He's like I got to get my workouts in, you and daddy have the morning, but now it's my workout time and he does frog jumps everywhere. So I think they can adjust too and join you and it's kind of a balance. You get that quality time and you also get to feel good about what you're doing. Plus, it's good for them to see you creating routines and habits.

Paul:

I think that's important, because there's definitely people out there that they paint this really rosy picture of I'm super active, I'm eating right, I'm exercising.

Alex:

Well, I created a course all around this. I don't know if you saw, I launched it on May 5th, so pretty recently and it's called Wake Up Different and the whole purpose is to help people establish a routine that works for them, because I think you see a lot, especially on social media, these wild morning routines, and they're great.

Alex:

They are Cold plunges and yeah, which personally, I love cold plunges, so I'm not hating on it. But your point, it's so unrealistic for most people and so you look at it and you're like that's a joke, that's never going to be me. And so you have to bridge that gap. You have to figure out what actually works for my life, and I think that starting really small is the most important piece, because if you're not used to waking up before your kids, or you're not used to waking up early and then all of a sudden you set your alarm for two hours earlier than what you're used to and you do that for two or three days, you get tired because you haven't adjusted yet, and then you give up. I mean, that's what usually happens, and I think starting small is really important.

Alex:

As far as what you should be doing first, I get really into detail in that in the course because I think it's really dependent per person, because everybody has different priorities right, I might be. For me, my number one priority in the morning is a workout, and that's because it impacts my mental health so much. I'm a better mom when I work out. I'm more energetic all day, so I have to get some physical activity in. If there's somebody that's been trying to write a book for the last two years and they can't find focus time and they really need that, then you should be just waking up and spending 10 minutes writing every morning before anything else, and it's really designing your routine in a way that works. I'm also a firm believer in adding a few different pieces in, so I think it's important to support your mind, support your body and get you set up for the day and everything your time management. So I kind of walk you through all those steps.

Paul:

I really like that approach because, I'll tell you, I've tried the early morning workout and just my body is not ready for that type of activity in the morning, and so I would go in and do a workout, feel like, hey, I'm not giving it my best effort because my body just was not responding at that point in the day, and then I would go to work and then by lunch, after lunch, I'd be exhausted, my day is done, I can't do anything mentally anymore, I'm just drained. So I had to learn for myself that that, just For me, I get. For some people that worked. For me, that wasn't so.

Paul:

What I shifted to was well, what is something that I can do in the morning? And so that turned into things like this podcast, maybe doing some editing in the morning, or looking at some investment account, stock trading, things like that, things that were I was sitting on the couch drinking coffee, not working out, but still being productive, and so getting my day to your point, getting my day started in the right way. And so I really, just going back to what you said, I think it is really important for people to not just see things online and just say, okay, well, this person does it this way, and so I need to do the exact same thing.

Alex:

It's not one size fits all. I mean, I've heard your experience as well, you know, especially with working out and just because that's what I do, it's not what I teach people to do it's it's really has to be customized. I do think there's complimentary micro habits. I'm kind of a big fan of that. That can always help you start your day in the right foot. But that's kind of a different story. I think focusing everything around your number one priority and something that matters a lot to you in life and that feels doable, even if it's just five or 10 minutes, can make a huge difference over time. I mean that compounds. If you do that every day, I mean you're really spending a lot more time over the course of a month than you would have before.

Paul:

Absolutely, and I jumped right into the meat of it. But I need to actually go back for a minute, because something really fascinating about you that I saw in your career journey is that you started off as a consultant, right?

Alex:

Yes, I don't know if you were a.

Paul:

WT or if you've always been an independent consultant, but I know you were doing that in the finance or accounting world. Is that right? I don't know if you were a WT or if you've always been an independent consultant, but I know you're doing that in the finance or accounting world. Is that right?

Alex:

Yes, I was a business process consultant. So I worked for a big consulting firm, salaried when I first started, and the hours were wild and I liked what I do. I really enjoyed what I did. I was helping businesses become more efficient, but it really took a toll on me. I didn't have any boundaries in my life. I worked constantly. There was no working out, there was no healthy eating, I didn't have kids yet. I was like all I did was work and then at the end of the night, drink my wine to wind down, pass out and then wake up and have coffee, and that was my entire life. So that was probably the first three or four years of my career before I realized it was unsustainable and I just quit.

Paul:

Hats off to you, because I think people would go a lot more years than that or just say this is my reality and so this is life. This is what it is. I'm just going to suck it up and yeah, bummer, but got to pay the bills. So that's what's going to happen, right?

Alex:

Exactly and I realized pretty quickly I couldn't do it, so I quit. I ended up going to school to become a therapist Okay. After that I completed my entire master's program and then I started working with clients one-on-one and I realized that or say it backwards facing I felt like therapy was all looking in the past and sitting in the past, which can have its benefits, but there wasn't enough focus for me on how to make changes in your life moving forward and there was a disconnect there. So I learned a lot from my years in my master's program, but I decided to pivot again, which was another big decision. Right, I'd sunk so much time and money into this to then say nevermind. And I ended up starting my own company at that point and going back into the consulting world, but that time independent.

Paul:

Yeah. So I think a lot of people want to pursue their passions, but again, it's just something that feels there's a running theme here that is chasing things that don't seem possible and you're one example of somebody that's actually doing that and so to have a successful consulting career that I'm assuming is pretty stable, and then just say, you know what, forget it, I want to go flip my life upside down and go pursue this other thing. If you could just talk through that decision-making process and what went into you feeling comfortable with making that decision.

Alex:

It was a different time in life, right, I was making pretty good money as a consultant. I was living up in San Francisco, things that I didn't have to live in, that expensive apartment. I didn't have other mouths to feed other than my own, so it was easier, for I had some savings built up, so it was easier for me to make that decision than it is now.

Alex:

The most recent career leap I took was much scarier, because my family relies on my income. So that initial leap, though, it really just took this realization that it wasn't working and I wasn't going to be able to make it work and my life wasn't looking the way that I wanted to, and so I was pretty dramatic about it. I went on a big world trip, I went into the jungles of Brazil, did ayahuasca, I took this whole different path for a while.

Paul:

All right. Well, we can't just gloss over that now.

Alex:

So we got to go down this road.

Paul:

So, okay, what you're describing is basically a movie, so let's talk about that. So tell me about the day that you I'm envisioning in my head you just this being something that you've been thinking about for a while, and I don't know, maybe there's like a moment that like broke the camel's back, so to speak, or just like, all right, that's it, like I'm done. Was it like that? Or again, was it like this gradual decision-making process?

Alex:

Oh God, you know, if I'm being honest with you, I don't even remember. I have a bit of amnesia when it comes to it. It was over 10 years ago now. So I know that during that phase of my life, though, I was really interested in exploring what else was out there in the world. So I traveled a lot, and I think it was during my travels that I realized I mean, I was kind of exploring spirituality too.

Alex:

I was going to different meditation retreats in Cambodia and then, when I'd have some more time I could take off, I was doing ayahuasca in Brazil, and in between those moments there was just this big realization that my life, I wasn't the person that I wanted to be anymore and I needed to figure something out, and if I was going to do it, it had to be now, because I didn't want to have that realization.

Alex:

I think it was a. Really what it came down to for me was a realization that in other countries there's less emphasis on financial wealth and a broader definition of wealth, and that's really driven, I guess, everything in my life since then. It wasn't how I was raised. I grew up in Orange County. Financial wealth is the wealth that I was exposed to, and going and seeing the happiness that I saw in other countries with people and families that had very little, but the happiness just beamed from them in a way that I wasn't used to seeing from some of the most financially wealthy people back in the States, made me realize that maybe what I was chasing wasn't the right thing.

Paul:

Now we're on to something here. And then for those that don't know, that are listening, that aren't from Southern California, orange County is kind of I'm sure people know Orange County. It's one of those things that's been depicted on TV and all those reality shows, the real Housewives of Orange County, laguna Hill Beach or whatever. That show was way back when. I think people kind of get an idea. But just if you could explain in a little bit more detail what growing up in that type of environment was like, just so people kind of get a sense of where you're coming from.

Alex:

It's a wealthy area and everybody for the most part hustles I would, they're at least my family and the people around me there was. Everyone was working all the time. My dad worked really crazy hours, everyone around us worked a lot. That was the norm and there was a lot of emphasis around physical, like physical beauty and just the emphasis of in life different. And when I left I realized it was a bit of a bubble and I'm not hating on it.

Adrian:

I live in Orange County now.

Paul:

I'm back, but it was a bubble and I needed to experience different perspectives than the ones that I had surrounded by, which were really like money and beauty, to be honest, I think I would not be exaggerating by saying there's like you can drive through, let's say Irvine, and it just seems like there's not a blade of grass that is out of place over there, Like it's just like that right. It's just like kind of very picturesque, very like just almost perfection, in a way that just doesn't seem real.

Alex:

Yes, I would agree, and growing up as a woman, I think that I felt that. From a physical, I would agree, and growing up as a woman, I think that I felt that from a physical perspective as well. There's just a lot of upkeep that's required, a lot of physical beauty, a lot of things to buy. The priorities are really around that and in my experience again, this is all just how I felt less community-based. And so then when I'd go travel to these other countries and see people that did not do their hair or get Botox or do anything like that, and they didn't make nearly the amount of money that I saw where I was from, but they seemed so much happier it was like there's something missing.

Paul:

Is that something that you recognize right away? Or was it just like, okay, you were there for, or took a couple of trips? You're like wait, there's something here that I need to learn more about, I think it was more gradual.

Paul:

Yeah, I'm getting the sense there. Everything's pretty gradual, so that's good. It just takes some time to build up to those things. And so I don't know was there like can you think back to a moment during your travels, like an aha moment or something, where this idea of a different type of wealth kind of presented itself to you?

Alex:

I was on an island off of Bali, I don't even remember the name, but I was hanging out with these two local kids. I traveled alone, so I was hanging out with these two local people and they had some little kids and the kids. This is such a random story, but you asked for a specific and this is a thing of mine Please.

Adrian:

I love it yeah.

Alex:

Yeah, young boys were playing with salt and pepper shakers and they were having so much fun. They were in heaven. They're just sitting on the beach playing with these salt and pepper shakers, making things up, laughing, joyful. And they lived in a hut and they just lived on this island and they didn't have much and they were just so happy, so happy. And then putting the salt and pepper shakers down and then running going in the ocean and running on the sand and the happiness was just something I hadn't seen. It was just a moment that really hit me. I was like God, these kids are happy with these salt and pepper shakers. This is just a different type of way of life.

Paul:

You know, I really feel like that. What you're describing is inherent in most people and then, just based on your environment, things change and I'll give you an example. This was our youngest son's fifth birthday last weekend and this family comes over, friends and family come over, pile of gifts on the fireplace and part of you is like this kid is really loved and very fortunate that we're surrounded by people that want to give him gifts and show that they care and love him in that sort of way, and I think that's wonderful and, like I said, very blessed to have that. And then, kind of similar to what you said, though sometimes it's the case that they get this toy, this expensive toy, and they take it out of the box and then they play with the box. It's like the same thing I know.

Paul:

So it's like I just feel like that's kids or maybe that's just people. It's like inherently, we really don't need a lot of these fancy things that we're talking about. Life can be much more simple, and you saw it on your trip and I think even today we see it. I know that's a common story, right, kids get poisoned and they want to play with the box and maybe there's a toy that they have that they play with for a week or two, and then it's discarded. They forget about it. And so, just going back to your thoughts around material things, and what are our kids maybe teaching us about? What's important and where to spend our money right?

Alex:

And it changes. I have a lot of. I reflect at least every six months on kind of where I'm at, where my priorities are, and just to make sure that I'm still aligned with what I want out of my life, because it's easy to get sucked back into. I mean, I told you I live in Orange County. I still am in it, I like nice things, but I also need to balance that with what I'm showing my kids, the amount of time that I'm spending with them. Everything's at balance, right your mental health, your freedom of time, your finances. You have to find a way to balance it all and figure out where you're going to give and what you're going to prioritize, and it's a hard balance. It's something that I reassess regularly.

Paul:

Yeah, there's a ton of pressures and I'm with you on that. Most recently, I've been thinking about it in the context of baseball. My older son is just obsessed with baseball and you see, some of these kids, I mean we're talking seven years old, and they got just the nicest bag, glove, $400 baseball bat, right, and I'm just like you know, I could for sure buy you those things, but I just I'm not going to. I don't know. For me it was just you're learning the game. Still, I want you to not have to rely on these things. Let's focus on your skill first and then, if you get good enough and you really really like this, then hey, I have no problem investing in the things that you really care about.

Paul:

But we're just constantly, I think, maybe put a lot of pressure around us to maybe do things a certain way, and I'm trying my best to not fall into that. And, by the way, just people, however they want to raise and do, I'm not knocking them, but just for me it was just I want to try, kind of what you're saying and I have not been as deliberate, I think, as you've thought and gone about your journey, but I think very similar thought processes in a lot of ways as you've thought and gone about your journey, but, I think, very similar thought processes in a lot of ways, but it's just been really tough to not fall into. Well, man, all these other people are doing it, so should I be doing that?

Alex:

And I would say that that applies financially to your example of like the nice equipment, but also to time, because time management is a big topic that I work with with one-on-one clients is when you feel really busy, when you're trying to work, you're trying to be a parent, you're trying to do all these things, spend a little bit of time taking care of yourself and you don't have any time and you just feel busy and overwhelmed all the time. How do we manage that? How do we adapt to the demands of this world that we live in right now? And a big part of that. Since you mentioned sports, I talked to so many parents that are just completely overwhelmed by the demands of sports.

Alex:

And you added multiple kids, and I think it's a really important reminder that you don't have to sign your kids up for everything. I know it's hard when they want to do it, but if you have multiple kids, you don't have to do the school team and the club team, and just remembering that you do have control over those choices is so important just because everybody else is signing their kids up for soccer at four years old. I'm not. I'm not, so it's a balance, but I think that's another way that it can be easy to get caught up in what everybody else is doing for even college prep, if you go further down the line and what you choose to do with your family.

Paul:

Let's talk about time management, because I know that that is a big area of your expertise. And yeah, I will tell you, I try to be extremely efficient with my time. I'll give you the best example possible. How many people do you know can get in and out of Costco in less than 30 minutes? I can do it.

Alex:

You sound like my husband. He's so obsessed with his Costco timelines.

Paul:

Okay, I have the list, I stick to it. I don't deviate from it. Yeah, but I'll always take my oldest son with me, Just rides around in the car and things like that, but he'll check me sometimes because he'll be like dad, why are you always in such a rush? I'm like I put this plan together, the things that I want to get done, whether it's chores or just different grocery shopping, all the things that need to get done to run a household and I find myself sometimes with him. I'm like dude, Adrian, you're such a slowpoke, right, and I blame his grandpa for that. He just goes about things, nothing's a rush, and I'm the complete opposite. It's like go, go, go guys. And so, yeah, part of me sometimes catches myself. I feel like I'm efficient with my time, but am I creating some sort of complex for my children when I'm just constantly rushing them to do something? I haven't fixed that part, but yeah. So if you have any advice for me on that, I'd love to hear it.

Alex:

Well, I think there's a difference. I think being rushed all the time is a habit, if I'm being honest, and I think it's different than time management, because I think you can manage your time really effectively without being rushed as well. It's just kind of how you're planning your time, how much time you're allocating for Costco and then, when you're at home for work or you're doing your podcast, how you're scheduling and setting up your days to make sure you're tackling everything. But I do think and I see this all the time and I'm guilty of it as well that when we are trying to do a lot and get a lot done, we can just go about the day really rushed, and it actually doesn't usually help us get things done that much faster. And so I try to very consciously take a few deep breaths and do what I'm doing in a way that feels not rushed and just feels like I'm doing it.

Alex:

Like with eating lunch is an example. Like I used to just chow down my food while I was at my desk and working and it was like all a rushed experience, and now I try to just like sit down with the kids. I've already allocated the time to eat lunch with them. I know that I don't need to rush, it's going to be fine, and I try to really enjoy the moment and not put too much pressure on it. And I think that there can be a conscious decision where you try to stop that habit of always trying to do more quicker and just lean into the systems that you already have.

Paul:

But, Alex, it feels so good when you check everything off the list.

Alex:

It's like yeah, that was awesome, did everything right. Was I rushed? No, no, no, you didn't have to check it off. I think you still do it Was it rushed.

Paul:

It was stressful, for sure, but everything got checked off, alex, so I feel great.

Alex:

Oh man, and I would just say, I think you could still check things off without the rush and it

Paul:

still feels real good, but I hear you, I'm going to try. I'm going to try that.

Alex:

It says would you identify as a type A person Like really a go-getter?

Paul:

I will say yes only because sometimes I get and I talked about this on a previous episode where I'm just like, why am I always so tired? And then you know, Christina will say, well, you did, and then she'll name everything I did that day and she's like that's why I'm like, I think, trying to find that balance and at least just trying to reflect on that. And that kind of leads me to something else, that that you talk about, which is, um, and I really liked the concept of a weekly calendar audit. That sounds very official, but I think the concept itself is fantastic, right, which is, yeah, we fill up our calendar, whether it's work, and I actually do this with my team as well.

Paul:

I try to go schedule a meeting with more than three people. It's impossible to find a time slot because their calendars are completely jammed and I'll go talk to them like guys, what is this? You're in meetings 60% of the day. That's crazy, right. I don't call it an audit, but I'm going to probably use that term now. And that's like you have this standing meeting that you have every week for 30 minutes.

Paul:

It can last five minutes, but you maybe go for another 15 just because of whatever reason and I just said hey guys, when you go into that room, if the topic's not for you or you just feel like you're not getting value out of it, you have my permission to get up and walk out of that room. They're like are you serious? I can do that. I'm like, yes, this is time, management is important, and give them a reason, say like, hey guys, this meeting could have been an email that's like the famous one, right, but just for other reasons, which is just like time management, like be respectful of your time, but also be respectful of other people's time as well, right? So I just went on a little rant there, but do you have any thoughts on that?

Alex:

Oh God, there's so many thoughts. The standing or current meetings just kill me.

Speaker 3:

Yeah right.

Alex:

There's such a. I think it's so important, and to be able to have those conversations openly with your team too is important, because I think there's a lot of environments where it's just like that's what's accepted and you just do it.

Alex:

You just go to your meetings. But what a time suck, because not only does it take the 30 minutes or whatever it is, but it takes a while for us to get back into focus mode. So when we have meetings throughout the day and we only have little brief pockets of focus, it's really hard to get into focus to actually do whatever it is you have to do outside of meetings for your job. And when you're constantly distracted, that kind of is a whole nother topic of distraction. But if you've got Slack going, if you have meetings all day, that you're in and out of your cons, you have your emails pinging and you're responding all day, when is your focus time to do your actual work? And I think for me that kind of plays into the calendar audit. It's something I do weekly. I look ahead at my personal calendar, but in terms of managing a corporate calendar with a team and everything, it's so important to be aware of that and also just look at those standing meetings regularly and figure out what can be emails.

Paul:

Well, look, we're in spring, so I know people typically think of spring cleaning as maybe cleaning out your closet, but I'm going to suggest, based on this conversation, that people go do a spring clean of their calendar.

Alex:

Definitely the work calendar.

Paul:

But if it's not that, I think the other concept that I will touch on, as you mentioned a personal or a family calendar, which I know is becoming more common I'm certainly our family is there, so much so that if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist. That's been the mandate that's been given to me by my wife.

Alex:

Well, I know what works for me. I review my calendar. I personally do it on Friday afternoons and I manage most of the family's time. My husband rarely adds things to the calendar but when he does he knows where to add it so I can see it. So I'll look at my calendar holistically, both from family commitment perspective and then from any work commitments, personal commitments, and I'll make sure it's all reasonable if I need help. So that's kind of the time that I'll work with my husband and be like hey, we have to get our son over here, who's going to take him? And we kind of negotiate the logistics because that comes up. Of course. That's when, if anything needs to move, I take into account travel time or do I have some appointments that are too close together? It's really a holistic look at the week ahead. And then things like oh, I got a birthday party on Saturday. Do I have the gift ready? If not, I need to make sure I put on my task management.

Paul:

Throw a 20 in a card. That's the easy way. Just throw a 20 in a card, or actually inflation more like 30 or 40.

Alex:

30, a little more, but you know, or deadlines like work deadlines. If I see something coming up that I need to be ready for a big meeting on Friday, I need to make sure that I add it to my list of things to do on Tuesday or Wednesday so it doesn't sneak up on me Like I never want. I'm never going to be surprised. I'm not going to wake up one day and be like oh wow, I have a conflict I didn't know about today, so it's. I think that's. It's important to look ahead and if you have a family and you're managing a family, make sure you and your partner are on the same page about how you're going to support each other to get everything done.

Paul:

Another topic that I saw that I wanted to touch on was just having and he just briefly talked about it which was having defined roles between you and your partner, if you have one husband, wife or otherwise and that really resonated with me as well, and I'll tell you a quick example on that was our oldest son just started first grade, which you just start getting into so many things he needs to wear this on this day and that on that day, and this homework assignment needs to be turned on just an insane amount of things and I just assumed that my wife was taking care of that and she assumed, like, hey, well, you have access to the emails too, yeah, I know.

Paul:

And so came to this realization that if we both think that we're responsible for something, then really neither one of us is responsible for something. And so then, finally having to have this moment of okay, we need to more clearly define if it's related to this topic and it doesn't always work out perfectly but if it's in this subject line, you're the expert here. If I need to ask what we have going on this weekend and if we're available for something, I cannot answer that question, I have to either reference the calendar or go to you, right, and grocery shopping, cooking that's in my bucket, and et cetera, et cetera, right? So I think that was also part of the philosophy that you talk about as well, right?

Alex:

Oh, it's so important Because a lot of women that I talk to that have kids, they're like I don't feel supported. I work and then I also manage the household and I don't feel I have all this mental load that comes with being a mom, because my kids need me the most, or I'm the one always ordering new clothes, or I'm the one always ordering new clothes, new diapers and all this stuff my husband doesn't see and there's a lot of resentment that builds and I hear it a lot and I think one of the easiest ways to kind of nip that is by having clearly defined roles and responsibilities. So then it's not like I'm nagging or your example is perfect, like who's responsible for this, it's like, oh no, I know my husband has that handled. He knows I have this handled. We don't even really have to talk about it and we don't have to nag each other about it and that is a good feeling and if there's something in the gray area then we talk about it and we make it happen.

Alex:

But it is a big deal for our marriage and I learned that pretty quickly on. My husband wasn't going to be the one carrying the mental load of motherhood or parenthood Like he's not going to be worried about nap schedules, he's not ordering diapers, he's not shopping where the kids clothes. That's not going to happen. But you know what he can do. He can meal plan and he can cook for us and that is a big time suck, it's a big deal. So he takes that. I handle the other stuff. So finding something that kind of works with what you're naturally good at is important too. Like he does all the cleaning and the tidying, he does all that. I do all the finance management. That's all me. So it's very segregated in our house.

Paul:

Alex, it sounds like your husband's setting a standard that I don't know, that I want. I feel bad for all my listeners whose wives may be listening to say see, see what Alex said. This is what you need to be doing.

Alex:

Yeah, I'm very lucky, uh, yeah, but we had. We had some pretty serious discussions about it early on when we our first kid was born of. Like, how do we make this more equal? Honestly, because we were both working so many hours. We both contribute to the you know, finances, family. I can't do everything that the household and the children need, so there has to be something.

Paul:

So in your work, in talking to your different clients, it sounds like this is a pretty pervasive issue. It's pretty common that people are just not having this conversation at all, or they are and they're just not getting it right. What is it? Both?

Alex:

It is a very common topic. I'm talking to more and more women who are the primary breadwinners of their family as well, and they are also the ones that are managing the household and the kids, and that resentment builds quick, it just does. And I think that in this day and age where we have so many women working, there has to be a balance of all the other responsibilities. So I think it's a combo. I think people that don't have the conversation because they don't think to and that's because there's a lot of should involved. Like well, I'm the mom, I'm the wife, I should be making dinner for the family, I should be handling the laundry, I should be helping with whatever it is.

Alex:

You know it's like these are the traditional feminine roles and so sometimes we don't even think to question them, even though the situation has changed. So I think part of it's the should. And then you see kind of another part where the conversation doesn't go well. Or you know, you try to have the conversation with the husband, he's not really on board or he doesn't really understand the expectations, or it comes across as like complaining and nagging. It doesn't come across as like let's work, let's figure this out together.

Paul:

So I think the way that you have the conversation is also really important. Yeah, I think I've been. You know, having been in, I just I feel like I referenced this a lot in this podcast, but just kind of silly to think about. But your relationship is almost like running a business, at least the way I think about it. It's almost like running a business where there's these defined roles and responsibilities and goals and targets. I'm sounding more official, right, but in a familial way and just trying to. There's a reason why those things work in business and maybe they need to be slightly modified so that it's not so formal in the house or home setting, but the point being that there's a lot of lessons learned there and we need to be thinking about how we manage our personal lives, I guess, in that way.

Alex:

Oh my God, I really couldn't agree. More, I think, the more you can run your life like a business and some people hate it when I say that, because they're like I don't want my life.

Alex:

It sounds weird yeah, it does, but I get it but it can give you more freedom, because I think when you don't run your life with structure and having an eye on everything, it's more common that I see people feel really overwhelmed and I see this with stay-at-home moms too, because they don't have as much structure. So I think if you are a stay-at-home mom, you can apply the same. You could treat it like a job, and the more that you kind of treat it like a job and you create structure, you create boundaries, you have a plan, you can thrive more than somebody that just wakes up and wings it. So I think that there can actually be a lot of benefits to running your life whether you work, whether you don't, whether you're married or not a little bit more like a CEO, and you'll be surprised by how much more flexibility it creates when you're kind of on top of it.

Paul:

Well, there you go. So for those of you at work that are complaining about not getting that promotion or getting that title that you want, alex just told you you can be the CEO of your family and your own life. So I think, there you go, guys. You just got promoted. Alex, thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I think you just dropped some ideas in there that maybe not a lot of people are focusing their time and attention on. So, thank you, and hopefully people take some good stuff away from this.

Alex:

Yeah, of course, great conversation. Appreciate it.

Speaker 3:

Thanks, come on and take me anywhere that you wanna be. Let's ride and let's ride. Let's follow the skyline and when we make it to the other side, we'll find all the bluest skies. Blue is Christ.